it was like his penis was on wheels.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
