I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
