Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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