i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
