My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
