your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
