There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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