Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
