Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
