also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
