Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
