They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
