Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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