well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
