Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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