My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
me + whiskey = a bad person
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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