im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
