also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
