he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
