Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
