i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
