is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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