Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
