Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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