OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
