omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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