weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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