me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
