she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
