Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
