just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
