so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
