Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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