My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
