Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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