You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
