girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
