I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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