I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
