tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
