I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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