If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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