Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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