chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
