someone get that fucking seahorse.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
