Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
