now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
