when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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