hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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