drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
