I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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